'Succeeding As A Charge and Bail Lawyer Today' By Adesina Ogunlana

Vol 1 No 4 9th April 2001

THE LEARNED SQUIB

‘SUCCEEDING AS A CHARGE AND BAIL LAWYER TODAY’ By Adesina Ogunlana

Occasionally, I saunter across the haunts of the dregs of the legal profession; the “charge and bail” lawyers, and I see many of them wearing doleful mien, their eyes glinting with hunger, brows knitted with worry…cutting the very picture of desperation.

Yet ‘charging and bailing’ is a lucrative enterprise. It can fetch you a good house, a sleek car, a roly-poly frame, though your cloak of honour as a legal practitioner would have some inevitable rent.

So if you are a failure as a ‘charge and bail’ you need not depart from your path of perdition.

You need the following tips and your success is guaranteed.

1. SPRUCE UP.
My man, howsoever dost thou looketh a lout? It is true you are a rogue but must you look the part? Please cut off that jerry-curled hair. And if you need clean, inexpensive shirts and jackets – even shoes, you only need visit ASWANI MARKET (popular flea market) Lagos.

2. ‘PAL-UP’ WITH IPO’s.
Your best friend or accomplice if you like, as a charge and bail lawyer should be Investigating Police Officers. These gentlemen if properly cultivated are the best conveyers of criminal cases to your like. Just leave your cards with them and visit them regularly with ‘something.’

3. HIRE DIRECT AMBULANCE CHASERS.
You know in this business, it is often he who first gets the “overnight” cases that gets their briefs. So you need strong, fast legs to get to these characters before other competitors. Thus, hire young, agile men as your agents, arm them with your cards and let them storm the ambulances for you. There is no disputing the fact that it is not very dignifying to see a ‘whole lawyer’ like you darting and huffing after black marias.

4. MASTER THE MANTRA.
Any ‘charge and bail’ specialist has no business blowing “long grammar” before the magistrate. He only needs to say, “I hereby apply for the bail of the accused persons upon liberal terms,” coolly and confidently, and any reasonable, well brought up magistrate will not hesitate to oblige.

So master the magic sentence. Say it ten times in the morning before taking your shot of PARAGA (local gin). Say it ten times in the afternoon and of course chant it solemnly at night 10 times before retiring to bed. Do all this, daily.

5. HAVE UNIQUE COMPLIMENTARY CARDS.
Any practicing lawyer should have his business card with him at all times. A ‘C&B’ needs it more than any other category of lawyer. Let your card be unique in all respects. For example your card should be so colourful that it will at first glance be mistaken for the flag of Ethiopia, Mali or Ghana. Then it must lavishly describe your professional specialization and expertise. Prayerfully study the sample below:

‘Seye Wayority
B.A.B.M., LLB, BLX
HUSTLER, GANG & COMPANY
(Solicitors & Advocates)
Bail Specialists, Stamp Duty Gurus
Police Matters Consultants
Office: UNDER THE TREE CHAMBERS
Old Secretariat, Ikeja.
Come One, Come All!

Well there are many other sensible pieces of advice that I could give but time and space do not allow. Go well and prosper!


Related link: http://www.learnedsquib.blogspot.com