'Once Upon A Worship' By Adesina Ogunlana

THE LEARNED SQUIB

Vol 1 No 11 13th June 2001


My dear Retired Magistrate,

It is with a heavy heart full of joy that I ‘pen’ you these few lines, having learnt of your shocking exit from the exalted throne of your fathers.

Ha! How are the mighty fallen and the implements of gratification perish! I could not believe my ears that anybody could have the temerity to look you in the face and unceremoniously drown your disturbing career in the whirlpool of retirement.

What is your offence? I know they did not disclose and dare not disclose. Is it judicial incompetence? But you know the law and the procedures, at least on how to grant bail to accused persons, on mutually rewarding terms. Is it for absenteeism? Nay, never. Could it be for biribiri, otherwise known fearfully as CORRUPTION? And so?

The answer lies in the immortal words of the immortal Christ, “Let anyone without sin cast the first stone.

It may be true that you regularly and routinely collect mammon from lawyers and litigants but then did you ever fail to deliver your own part of the agreement? Are those other parties to the judicious agreements and contracts ever unhappy?

The wicked have done their worst! Really. How do they expect you to cope and re-adjust now to changes both in title and income. You a deity yesterday, now a mere earthling today. Haba! And how are you going to cope now with your established expensive tastes?

But not to worry, I can see that you are still young, healthy and vibrant. There is a future for you. One, you can just dust up your long abandoned wig and gown and begin to practice or re-practice as a lawyer. After all you are first of all lawyers and the wicked have not confiscated your wig and gown. You’ll even discover that your practice will boom so much that you will graduate from using a ‘Benz’ to a ‘Volks.’

Or you can become a best-selling author. All those your experiences on the bench must not only be rich but quite educative. The title of your book(s) can read like any of these:

(a) “THE WICKED HAVE DONE THEIR WORST: (THE LIFE & TIMES OF AN UNFAIRLY RETIRED MAGISTRATE).
(b) FROM WORSHIP TO NOTHINGSHIP.
(c) ONCE UPON A MAGISTRATE.

Thirdly, you can become a consultant to lawyers and counselor to New Magistrates. You can organize Seminars too. Your constant seminar topic should be: “AVOIDING THE LANDMINES IN LAGOS STATE MAGISTRACY.”

And you can become an evangelist. In fact, you are a perfect candidate for the post of Pastor, Reverend or Evangelist. If you do this, great shall be your reward in heaven…for God does not want the death of sinners but for them to repent.

Just accept my commiserations. But you are not alone in the quagmire. Even greater, finer, much more upright gentlemen and ladies than you like Mr. Kaffo, Mr. Bajulaiye, Mr. Gbogodo, Mrs. Bankole-Williams, Mrs. Osinowo, etc., went away with the wind. But that’s the way of the world and officialdom. One cannot complain too much. The Government giveth, the Government taketh, blessed be the name of Government.

I cannot end this letter without telling you not to be deceived by the sympathetic noises of lawyers when you meet them. Most of them laugh and jeer at you behind your back but shed crocodile tears in your presence. They say you lots are glorified criminals, shameless crooks, open and close money-mongers, etc. and are praising Osinbajo (that wicked “ajoji” professor) and Segun (Father Chris) for cutting off your magisterial necks.

You need not be afraid of the future. Your housing estates which you constructed in the FAT years will bail you out now in these lean times. Likewise your numerous other investments.

My dear former worship, the downfall of a man is not the end of his life.
Soldier on. I rise!


Related link: http://www.learnedsquib.blogspot.com